Goodbye

Bangkok Roaches:

I write from the comfort of a wood-laden, vegetarian-grooving guesthouse in the midnight breezes of Bangkok. I’m still very much in Thailand- my stomach grapples the evil MSG in an effort to digest it, the mosquitoes whirr and latch on to me, evoking swear words as they do, motorbikes perform daring and unimaginable stunts, and there are few moments when you can go outside without breaking into a sweat. Still Thailand, different Laura.

I’m different because I have said goodbye to Sangkhlaburi, my town, my home for the past nine months.

Just as nine months is enough to grow a whole baby and ready them to fight the evils of the world and enjoy in all the light-beams, nine months was a time for me to develop an entirely new and amazing life, complete with deep relationships, moments of happiness, pain, fear, and ridiculousness. In these last nine months, the people I have met and the people who met me, mainly my lovely and amazing students, have readied each other for a new world with an increased awareness of the globe and our place in it.

I left Sangkhlaburi on Sunday morning, February 25^th, to a scene of tear-stained student faces, all of which looked rather bullied and extremely pained. I viewed it all from my own tear-blurred eyes. I thought about the bus that carried me into this small, dusty town in a time that seemed to be ages ago and all that transpired in between.

Here are some things I have learned:

· MSG is the spice of the devil

· Roosters cock-a-doodle-doo at all times of nights, in the country and in the city, and no matter where you go, THEY WILL FIND YOU

· People want happiness and safety

· I’m afraid of street dogs

· The love from a mother to a child is unchanging, regardless of continent, how many children you have, and how many of these children die

· One really can get used to a breakfast of yesterdays rice and greasylicious eggs

· Some people find a fight to fight. Some people are born into one they have no choice but to fight.

· As open-minded as you are, it’s okay to never warm up to eating fish eyes and chicken’s feet. That’s just a part of you.

· Education is empowering. Giving it is empowering, receiving it is empowering.

· Reusing old materials feels good.

· If you smile when you feel sad, or if instead you cry, it is still the same feeling of sadness.

· People who live in high office towers in NYC and people who work on the rubber plantations of Burma all like to get new shirts.

· Some of the wisest people lack formal education, power and running water.

· When you cook food for one hour it tastes better than when you open a box with a mix inside, even if that mix is KRAFT Mac and Cheese (forgive my slander oh mother of kraft-cheesyness).

· Being used to pain doesn’t mean that pain is okay for you.

· Physical touch speaks volumes

· Being a mother to others feels amazing. Having others mother you is equally amazing.

· Will Farrel skits don’t translate easily to Mon culture

· Life is hard for some people and life is easier for others. Regardless, this has nothing to do with what you have done. This just happened.

· We are all one people who want the same thing. We are all one race.

Tomorrow morning I will hop on a bus to Mae Sot, a far larger border town that lies up north. There I will begin a new adventure with a new role teaching and assisting in education efforts on the border with an international education NGO for 2.5 months. I will skip back to the US at the end of May. This will conclude round one of the fight for freedom in Burma, with an unknown number of future efforts to follow, in forms unknown at this point. The future beyond this is wide open, the wind and your words of advice my guidance.

Three days ago I pulled away from Sangkhla, saying a goodbye unlike any other. Due to Burma’s dodgy phone lines, censored mail system, and infrequent email which is only accessible in larger cities, it’s possible I will never see or even contact some of my students again. Regardless of this knowledge, the impact these past 9 months have had on my life is immense. As I waved goodbye, I beamed with happiness through my tears. Half of my heart dropped fearing the gaping hole that would be left without the row of amazing people I watched outside the bus window, and the other half exploded with a love that coated all organs in my body. Despite the growing distance between us, my heart has permanently been stamped by my students—by their love for me, and mine for them.

Student Infusions: Wishes, Inspirations, and Democracy

Mona Lisas:

Please find the newest recruits from students' writings below. Read a few or all, and get a sense of their lives and my luck to have come across them.

Tiddlywinks-
:) L

My Greatest Wish

My greatest wish is to be wealthy and famous in the future. For example, I would have a good job and have a lot of income. I don’t want to worry about anything. I said that I wanted to be famous and I mean not literally famous like singer or actress but to be a good person to everybody. For example if I am a teacher, I want to be a good teacher to my students, a good daughter of my parents, a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children.

My typical day

I have two typical days in my life. My typical day is not the same as everybody who lives here. I think some people have a simple day in summer. They can take a rest for the whole summer.
I don't have a simple typical day in the summer. When i was in my early teens until now i have had no holiday in summer. I have to work on our rubber plantation. I wake up at 1 at night and cut rubber until the morning and then I sleep. It is very hard work. I have no time to stay at home. I can't do whatever i want.
When I am attending school, i think my typical day is the same as everybody. At that time, I just study. There is no need to do house work when I am at my dormitory, but I do have to cook, wash and clean.

Wonderful Days

It was in December when students from Mon National High School celebrated sports with students from other schools. The sun was so hot for students to play games at midday that they were resting in their hostels.

I walked along the road to the office looking at some students chatting with their parents who were visiting them beneath the trees. Fortunately, i saw my parents, my two sisters and my nephew walking to me and i felt very happy and surprised as i had not seen them for so long.

I left them for four years. I longed for my parents very much whenever i saw some student's parents visiting our school. They gave me several clothes and food. They stay with me for two days.

I could introduce my parents to other students. We talked about many things for a long time. They also watched students compete with each other in sports. After two days, they went back home. I had never felt happy as much as when i saw my parents unexpectedly at school. I'll never forget my feeling during those days.

My Greatest Wish

My greatest wish is to changing Burma to democracy. People who are living in Burma have no rights and no chance as others do. Burma's situation is so bad. Two –thirds of the population of Burma don't have jobs. The government can't give a job to them. The people who are rich are so rich and people who are poor are so poor. The government can't solve that problem.

The civilians are facing many troubles. Some people are facing in health problems and some people are facing economic problems. The young people are problems in educations. There is not enough electricity is not enough in Burma. We can't use computers and the internet everywhere. Even though we have chance to go to foreign countries passport and visa are so high living standards can go. There are a lot crisis in Burma. The fomer political prisoners haven't had peace until now. I want to change Burma political system is my greatest wish.

What Inspires Me

I feel excited when we talk about the environment. There are many things that I want to change in the world and in my own life. For example, I don’t like having a lot of industries in the world. Using a lot of plastic carelessly can destroy the earth. Most people know that we will have air pollution from burning plastic, so I want to reduce using it.

I also don’t like cutting a lot of trees without using common sense. I don’t mean we can’t use natural resources. We can use them but not too much of them. In addition to these cases, we also have to care about animals. Killing animals for food is a bad concept in the world. About all, I want to change Burma from a military regime to a democracy. One thing I don’t like about Burma is that people who work on plantation and on farms never have a lot of money even though they have to work harder than all other people. There are many things left that I want to change in the world and in my own life.

My Saddest Memory

Now my father is over 50 years old. My mother is about 50 years old. Although they are old they have to do hard work. When i took the exam in tenth grade, they had to sell something and they gave some money to me. If we look at my family, everything is different to others. Other people also do not care about us, because we are poor and we are not educated well. If i dream about this, i feel so sad.

The Hardest Time

There are seven people in our family. My father worked hard for his income. It became difficult for my father to find a job after Burmese currency became useless over twenty years ago. He lost his job and some property and had to leave my village. My brother and sister had to stop their studies and work with my father

I continued my studies with less money. I couldn't afford to attend school in the city. I studied at a Mon National High School in a small village. It didn't cost much to study there. I needed to walk for many hours to get to school. I had to stay at a hostel. All students needed to do self-study a lot as there were insufficient teachers. I also had to find vegetables and food in the rain and sun. I faced many hardships during my time at school. I didn't feel sad. I intended to pass tenth grade.

Finally i finished my high school and received a certificate. I'll never forget those hardships throughout my life.

Difficulties of My Life

Before the ceasefire between the New Mon State Party (NMSP) and the State Peace and Development Council (SPDC), SPDC soldiers came to my village and abused my village. Many students in my village didn't attend school. We also had to run from their abuse. They used men and as porters and raped women. We had to run far away from the village and we had to live in a jungle for a long time. At that time the school closed. After the ceasefire between the NMSP and SPDC , my family moved to Yee Township in a small village in NMSP area until now. It is my luck to get the opportunity to learn English.

Sorrow Came up to Me

I had arrived home for only three days from Weng Sapaw village when my grandfather felt seriously ill. I stayed with him and was responsible for what he asked for because he could not move well after he felt ill.

My grandfather loved me so much. He brought me up for several years while I was far away from my parents. I stayed with my grandparents during my time in school. My grandpa wanted me to be a medic. He encouraged me to attend the medical treatment training. He was a reliable person for me at that time. I asked him for advice for whatever I did.

After he felt ill, he could not remember things easily. I found that he acted and spoke like a child while i took care of him. I didn't know there might be sorrow coming to me. A few days later, my grandpa died from his illness. I felt sad as i was not an adult yet.

The thought that i had lost him for the rest of my life threatened me for many days. Later I came to understand that it is natural for people to die after they have lived their lives.

Cats Gone A-Missin'

Sometimes the animal world is a mirror onto humans. Take my kitties and the neighboring dog for example. The powerful, entitled black pitbull comes rambling down the street and the kittens slink backwards, hair raised, to hide in the shadows of our house. While they may be smarter, cuter, fluffier than the dog, they are less powerful, and this is what causes their retreat. Their hair stands on end until the dog is well away in the distance, terrorizing some other poor neighborhood pet.

* * *

It feels like life here is a roller coaster that tops off in the heavens and reaches its lows in the sweaty craters of hell. The ride is short, too, often reaching its highs and lows in the span of just a few hours. At times I am so alive, smiling broadly as I lip-synch to 10-year-old Spice Girl tunes, teach, or do my part in a struggle for human rights in this little part of the earth. And other times I just feel pain- a deep, slow twisting thing in my heart- a pain endured by my friends and students here daily.

I should start off by saying that my impending departure from Sangkhla and my students has not only turned my emotions to something I wear on my sleeve, but has also thrown the reality of the situation in Burma smack-dab in front of my eyes; I am no longer allowed to imagine away their stories of forced labor, money shortages, and abuses by the notorious military regime. They’re going back and the circumstances under which they live remain the same as when they left.

The precariousness of life on the border has also been underscored by a series of disheartening events which have recently occurred, including the murder of a monk, a visit to our office of a man spouting off racist remarks and threatening the security of my students, and a bomb explosion during Mon National Day festivities.

Despite being a western girl who grew up with plenty of human rights and security to which I can return at the drop of a hat, these events don’t roll off me as easily as I wish. Indeed, I now notice myself speaking in small voices when talking about human rights, wondering why my neighbor tore down his fence by only my window (just here, why nowhere else?!), and looking suspiciously at those who are sitting in the tea shop next to me before sharing my daily news with a friend. There’s an undertone of anxiety, a slow drip-drop of fear propagated by those in positions of power (established through law or violence). For people running from oppression, this is a daily reality.

* * *

Last week, our kittens upped and went missing. We searched for the duo, pitching our voices high to create the Burmese “here kitty kitty kitty” equivalent (“mee mee mee mee”). We questioned the neighbors, developed theories of the man next door poisoning them due to their threat to his chickens, and contemplated the likely possibility that some nomadic folk stole the pair and cooked them up for dinner.

It turned out the answer was literally in our own backyard, discovered by a student who ventured down our hill to retrieve some vegetables for dinner. Hand in hand with another student I climbed through the pineapple bushes to see for myself what I had feared after those first catless nights. There it was: a dead cat corpse, ants crawling and flies swarming. On its body were marks of a dog attack, presumably that of the goliath next door. While that toxic smell and the initial heart sinking hurt, I realized later that this was not what frightened me so about this image. No, these memories would dissolve as the days passed. What would not dissolve, however, was the reminder of the lot of the powerful versus the powerless, the tyrant in his show of strength against those he can oppress. My expression soured as I turned to walk up the hill and the image of my cat-- helpless, dead, weak-- imprinted itself on my mind. One last view of him revealed small paws covering light green eyes a vain attempt to obscure the pain and to alleviate the fear. I hope it worked.

She risked her life among the enemy, and other words

Fishpaste eaters:
Please find the newest in a slew of journal entry installments from the students. Sensitive names have been changed for security purposes.

Some important background:

• "Mi" means "Ms."
• In 1988, there was a national uprising led by students in opposition to the military regime in power. These peaceful uprisings were violently suppressed, and therefore brought the government under international scrutiny, forcing them to hold democratic elections in 1990, which they inevitably lost. The triumphant party was the National League for Democracy (NLD), led by Daw Aung San Suu Kyi. The power was never exchanged from the military regime to the NLD, and Daw Aung San Suu Kyi was subsequently placed under house arrest intermittently for 11 of the past 17 years. She is the recipient of the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize.

Enjoy and dream of sticky rice, which I will force feed you the next time I see you...

:) Laura

My role model

Mi Twin who is my mom’s friend, is my role model. She is 49 years old. She is a trainer of human rights and women rights. She lives in Mawlamyine. Her husband is a top member of the New Mon State Party (NMSP). I met her when I was in seventh grade. She told me her story about how she arrived at the NMSP.

She was a university student in Yangon. She was interested in politics. She organized many students to become involved in the national uprising. Before the national uprising in 1988, the SPDC’s police suspected her and looked for her. On the last day of her exams the police attempted to arrest her. Fortunately, she escaped from the spies and arrived at the NMSP through out many dangerous things. She became a NMSP member as a female soldier.

I’m really proud of her because she is a thin and gentle woman but she risked of her life among the enemy. Therefore she is my special role model.

What is your greatest wish?

My greatest wish is to be a teacher. I love to teach students. Teaching is a noble profession for my livelihood. Not only students, but also parents and all people respect teachers. Qualities of a teacher are: goodwill, kindness, patience. Teachers have many obligations and initiatives to teach them. Teachers are very principal as a role model because students of today are leaders of tomorrow. Teachers have to motivate the students to be active. Teachers take part in every activity everywhere. Being a teacher is a good job and can create a good life.