Paper trafficking

Golden Goalposts:

Today I received my first smuggled good.

It came in the form of one of my students holding something mysterious in her armpit and making me swear I would “feed her cake” tomorrow in order to see what it was. When I finally agreed, put off by her initial sketchiness, she indeed produced something quite exciting where I half expected her to pull out a squashed millipede.

Here is what I saw: a small note, folded over and over until it resembled a type of middle school correspondence, where the secrecy of such a thing seems guaranteed the greater the number of creases you are able to put in the abused parchment. The note was stapled shut twice, sort of a professional seal in these parts. It was warm and a bit sweaty from such a long debate with my student during which it enjoyed the friendly environment of her armpit. On the cover it read: “Teacher Laura.”

I opened the note with a combination of excitement and anxiety-- excitement for the mere abnormality of the situation and anxiety for fear this may be a letter from some admirer I hadn’t realized I had—this is how many relationships start here in Monland—lots of subversive correspondence through mysterious notes without a word being stated in person, nor a glance of acknowledgement granted. I exhaled a breath of relief as my eyes darted to the last line and revealed the name of one of my beloved students, now in Burma for distant university.

Here is what it said:

“28.9.06

To

Dear Teacher,

How are you getting by there? Are you ok everything? I hope this letter make you happy and excited and good health. I miss you nearly die you know I look your photo every time as I had got. I’m not fail to give promise the one I gave you. I read [English] every-day at least five mins but sometimes more than half hour.
I’m attending tuition actually not finished yet. I have to go very far from the office and teacher’s houses. I also have to stay here may be a month more. In Oct of 30 start to take examination will finish in Nov 6.
I’m tried to contact you but electricity here is very crazy always doesn’t work.
I never live without you.

With blessing, your loving daughter,
S.K.”

Okay so the content of the thing is not really so scandalous. But it was snuck across the border for yours truly, evading the eyes of the paranoid military regime, the myriad of checkpoints to get from Burma’s exit gate to Thailand’s entrance.

I would also like to draw your attention to such phrases as “I miss you nearly die,” and “I never live without you.” Such utterings of serious affection are common in these parts, and in many ways I see this as positive, despite the clear exaggerations. How often do you get to tell your friends indeed how amazing or beautiful they are without coming across at best as drunk and at worst infatuated? Not too frequently.

Please see also some other highlights of this week:

• Spotting a tarantula in the backyard
• Clear signs of gecko indigestion left around my room, am thinking of sneaking it some immodium
• A student practicing using phrases today and creating a sentence reading, “G.C. [another student], a woman with mold on her head, eats four meals a day.” Please note that there was some confusion between using a “d” and an “e”
• Creating brisket, matzoh ball soup, hummus, and potato pancakes with an electric fry pan and rice cooker on Monday
• Increased open farting around the office. At first I wasn’t sure if this was some cultural divide I hadn’t realized before, where a boisterous gaseous release is a sign of goodwill in Mon culture. After further investigation, however, I realized the farting norms are indeed the same as in the U.S. Apparently it takes a good four months for people to start openly, and rather loudly, admitting they pass gas.
• Discovery of homemade coconut ice cream, the equivalent of three pints equal to $2. Delish.

Alas, it is a Thursday night and thus I am off to make a quiz for tomorrow. Video posting to come in the near future, powerful anecdotes waiting to be shared as well when the time is ripe.

To smurfs, vegetarian hotdogs, and soaking chickpeas for 24-hours before use-

Laura